Sex in the Sky

“Short Story

From the Authorised Version of the Bible; The Book of Genesis Chapter 6″

“And it came to pass, when men began to multiply on the face of the earth, and daughters were born unto them, That the sons of God saw the daughters of men that they were fair; and they took them wives of all which they chose. And GOD saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually. And it repented the Lord that he had made man on the earth, and it grieved him at his heart. And the Lord said, I will destroy man whom I have created from the face of the earth; both man, and beast, and the creeping thing, and the fowls of the air; for it repenteth me that I have made them. But Noah found grace in the eyes of the Lord.”

“It’s the women’s fault,” said God. “I’ve never understood women. Should never have made them out of that rib.”

“Wasn’t it the serpent’s fault?” asked Noah, “Or perhaps the apple - which was really a quince. I never understood what was wrong with eating it.”

“It was a test,” said God. “I’d have given them knowledge of Good and Evil soon anyway. Otherwise what would their life have been? A carefree one with casual sex and no responsibility.” He sounded depressed. “And now it’s all gone wrong. I am grieved at my heart.”

Noah felt sorry for Him. “Will you start over again?” he asked.

“I suppose so, but I’m not sure I can remember exactly what I did. There were golems first, I think, and other things that went wrong. DNA has something to do with it.”

“You could, of course,” suggested Noah rather daringly, “let a few of the better people survive so they could start repopulating the earth.”

God considered. “Hmm,” He said, “that’s not a bad idea. But no women. I can’t trust them.”

Noah said delicately. “Um, sorry, Lord, but you’ll need women to help with the populating. It’s sort of a combined operation. It’s pretty near impossible to produce children without both sorts. Surely you’ve noticed a male and a female getting together and er . . .” His sentence died away.

God looked equally embarrassed. “I thought that was just enjoyment. Never realised it was - er - necessary.”

“It’s not always all that enjoyable,” said Noah. “Take my wife for instance. She complains all the time. Once I asked her why she did it and she said ‘It’s what women have to do. Lie back and think of posterity. But I don’t have to enjoy it.’”

“Really?” said God.

“You should try it sometime - ” Noah paused, realising what he had said. “Sorry, Lord. That was well out of order.”

But God didn’t seem upset. “Maybe I’ll have to some time - but far into the future. Your future, that is, Noah. It’s all present to me.”

That sounded like one of God’s imponderable mysteries to Noah but he didn’t ask for an explanation.

“Anyway, it’s not a bad idea, Noah,” said God. “Alright. I will preserve you and your wife and your three sons, Ham, Shem and Japheth and their wives and of every creature that walks on the earth or flies in the air, one male and one female.”

“Thanks, Lord,” said Noah.

Privately though he could see one problem. Though Ham and Shem were married, his youngest son, Japheth, had no wife. Indeed he had shown no enthusiasm for the fairer sex. He had mentioned this to Mrs Noah but she had dismissed it with, ‘Just a phase he’s going through. Give him time and he’ll be bringing home more girls than we’ve house room for’ but Noah hadn’t been convinced. Japheth had a way of walking which was nothing like the graceless slouch of his other two brothers. And he was artistic, not like Ham and Shem who were only interested in footie and going down the pub. Japheth pressed flowers into a book, did rather blurry water colour paintings and went for long walks in the countryside. No one was quite sure what he did on these occasions or whom, if anyone, he met. Often, though, he came back with a strange smile on his face.

“Lord,” said Noah, “how will you destroy the land?”

God looked out of the square hole in the wall of Noah’s house which passed for a window at the blue, cloudless sky and the hot sun which hung up there like a circle of fire.

“Fire,” he said, “or flood. Trouble with fire is that, once started it tends to get out of hand. Needs constant watching to see it doesn’t run amok. Water’s better. It finds its own level and all I have to do is stop the rain and eventually it goes away. Yes,” he decided, “flood it will be.”

“One thing, Lord,” said Noah tentatively, “I’m afraid Japheth isn’t married.”

“To a woman?” asked God.

“Er . . . yes.”

“All the better,” said God. “He can take a friend.” Then He paused. “Now the boat” and His voice took on a prophetic tone, echoing and stentorian:

“Noah,” he said, “Make thee an ark of gopher wood; rooms shalt thou make in the ark, and shalt pitch it within and without with pitch. And this is the fashion which thou shalt make it of: The length of the ark shall be three hundred cubits, the breadth of it fifty cubits, and the height of it thirty cubits. A window shalt thou make to the ark, and in a cubit shalt thou finish it above; and the door of the ark shalt thou set in the side thereof; with lower, second, and third stories shalt thou make it.”

He finished and wiped His forehead. “Always takes it out of me,” He said. “Gives me a bit of a sore throat.”

Noah offered him a throat lozenge. “I’m not very good at DIY,” he said. “Things tend to end up the wrong shape or fall apart or look funny. I guess with a boat that wouldn’t be very efficient.” He hoped his lack of skill wouldn’t debar him from God’s mercy.

“Fear not, Noah, my son, for thou art beloved to me, and I shall teach thee how to saw and trim and make the ark so that it carries out its purpose which is to float on water and not sink. Now, get to work.”

“Thank you, Lord,” said Noah. “Er . . . What exactly is gopher wood?”

* * * * * *

Noah and Ham and Shem worked on the wood, sawing, planing, cutting, nailing and covering, both without and within, with pitch. Japheth, if the truth be known, wasn’t a great deal of help though occasionally he made suggestions about the colour the ark should be painted and the possibility of putting a decorative dado around the deck.

Eventually he was sent off by his father to purchase provisions for the animals and, as he liked shopping, this he did rather well. So all the men contributed to the building and provisioning of the ark. And God saw this and was content, so He turned aside and started the preparations for the Great Fludde.

So He didn’t see what Japheth was doing in a field with his friend, Bob, for although God is, by definition, omniscient, omnipotent and ever present, He doesn’t always choose to be. After all there are occasions when He doesn’t really want to observe the petty lives and activities of mankind. Sometimes He likes to look at beetles. Beetles, in fact, seem to be God’s favourite creation. Apparently there are more species of beetle than any other in the animal world. Of course there are more bacteria and viruses than there are of even beetles and I think this may say something about the nature of God as well.

But to return to Noah and his two elder sons. They were cheerfully laying the keel, whistling at girls as they passed, as even married workmen do, when Mrs Noah, Miriam to her nearest and dearest, arrived. She stood staring, floral pinafore awry, arms akimbo.

“What, in the name of all that’s holy,” she said in her carrying voice, “are you doing, Noah?”

“Building a boat, my love,” said Noah, adding hastily, “as the Lord God instructed me.”

Mrs Noah shrieked with unbelieving laughter. “You, Noah, building a boat? It’ll fill up and sink soon as look at the water. If you want to do some work, there’s that shelf in the kitchen needs putting up, the loose tiles on the roof that’ll let in the rain next time we have a shower, and there’s a draught that comes in through that loose window shutter that fair cuts me in two of a winter’s evening.”

Noah sighed. “God is displeased with the world,” he said. “He has told me He is going to send a great flood to destroy all living things. Only us, His chosen few will escape in the ark.”

“Noah,” said his wife, “your brain is addled. You won’t get me on any boat that you have built. And where is Japheth, my dearest son?”

“He’s gone into town to get provisions for the animals we have to take with us.”

“Animals!” said his wife. “Now I really know you’re off your trolley. We haven’t even got a goldfish in a bowl.”

“God told me we must take two of every living thing of all flesh, two of every sort shalt thou bring into the ark, to keep them alive with thee; they shall be male and female. Of fowls after their kind, and of cattle after their kind, of every creeping thing of the earth after his kind, two of every sort shall come unto thee, to keep them alive. And take thou unto thee of all food that is eaten, and thou shalt gather it to thee; and it shall be for food for thee, and for them.” Noah was aware that his voice had gone funny as he said that.

His wife had noticed it too. “Oh dear,” she said, “got a touch of the prophecies, have you? That decides it. I’m not going on any boat with you and a load of dirty animals whatever you say. I’ll stay here in town with my gossips. A flood! Where would that come from?” She peered into the sky and indeed not a single cloud marred the blue surface from horizon to horizon.

She turned and went back in the direction of town.

“We’re going to have trouble there,” said Noah.

“One thing, dad,” said Ham, who though looking as thick as pig shit did occasionally have a thought that went further than Liverpool F.C. or the price of lager. “How are we going to catch all these animals? It took me all morning yesterday to snare a couple of rabbits for lunch. And you say we’ve got to get two of every kind.”

“Certainly the Lord will provide,” said Shem who was of a religious turn of mind and had been thinking of going to ecclesiastical college.

And so indeed it happened. As soon as the ark was completed and painted a rather fetching shade of mauve (Japheth’s choice), the animals started to arrive. From the largest, elephants, the ground shaking under their tread, giraffes with their strange lopsided motion, slithy toves that stopped gyring and gimbling in the wabe, mome raths and borogoves, brightly coloured pilliwicks, lizards and snails. It would be tedious to give the full list but even the gridlions and the rare duckbilled platypus turned up. Only the unicorns were too shy to join the queue - and you know what happened to them as a species.

And as they waited in an orderly queue a cloud, no bigger than a man’s hand appeared in the sky.

“That’s it,” said Noah. “Go and get your wives - and Mrs Noah, and Japheth, you can bring a friend, for the Lord has said so.”

“Only one?” said Japheth.

“‘Fraid so, son.”

Japheth skipped off counting on his fingers “Inter, mitzy, titzy, tool, Ira, dira, dominu, Oker, Poker, dominoker, Out goes you. Sorry, Gervaise.” Next time it was, “Sorry, Julian.” Then. “Sorry, Sandy.” Finally. “Scrumptious. That leaves Bob.”

As he collected his dark-haired, willowy though well-endowed friend, the first large round drops of rain started falling onto the dusty soil.

* * * * * *

The seven humans, Noah, Ham and Shem and their two wives, Japheth and Bob, stood on the deck looking out onto the flooded plain. The sun disappeared behind the hill. Where it had gone, there was a halo of dark red-gold which seemed to shine up from the depths of the earth as if with a last despairing grasp, The sky was suddenly punctuated by sharp cracks of thunder and a jagged bolt of lightning streaked from west to east across the sky. The drops of rain continued falling, fat and heavy, followed by a downpour which slapped against the deck and the leaves of the trees. They nodded and tossed in protest. The rain drummed against the roof slates of the cabin where the humans would live.

Down below the animals snoozed and occasionally shifted position in the hay. Some breathed gustily but by and large they were quiet.

“And where’s your mother?” asked Noah. “The water’s getting higher.”

“We’ll fetch her,” said Ham and Shem. They raced off through the puddles and returned with a struggling and clearly irate Mrs Noah.

“Come aboard, my love,” said Noah. “Soon the whole world will be covered.”

“You are such a fool,” said Mrs Noah, red in the face. “It’s just a remarkably persistent low pressure area. The rain will stop soon. I’m not getting into that boat. Doesn’t even look seaworthy. I’ll stay with my gossips.”

Noah looked despairingly at his youngest son, and Mrs Noah’s favourite. “Japheth,” he said, “can’t you do anything?”

“Mum,” said Japheth. “It’s true what dad says. The Lord God will destroy all of us, if you stay. For the future of the world and all living things, you’ve gotta come aboard.”

Mrs Noah looked unconvinced but she stopped struggling. “I blame your father,” she said, and strode up the gang plank. “Husband,” she said, “You’re a great lummock.”

“Oof,” said Noah, as his wife fetched him a furious clout round the side of his head. “Lord, Lord why do you torment me so?”

“Cast off,” said God.

The ark rocked as the water swirled beneath the keel. For a moment it seemed as if it would roll over and Mrs Noah, the wives and Bob all screamed. Then the vast ship righted itself and floated serenely on the surface of the waters.

The voyage had started.

“I’m feeling a bit sick,” said Bob after a while.

“Come down to our cabin,” said Japheth, “and I’ll look after you.”

* * * * * *

Some say the water covered the earth for forty days and forty nights. Others say that it was the rain that went on for that period and the ark actually floated over the waters for a year or more. I’ll settle for the latter.

At the start wreckage and bodies floated on the surface but gradually these disappeared and the water was flat and featureless as far as the eye could see. Once the great head of a kraken broke the surface and Noah wondered why it was that the fish of the sea had escaped God’s destruction.

On board there were several disasters. On one dreadful night, the elephants panicked, spooked by a pair of mice which had gnawed their way into the elephants’ quarters. The two great pachyderms reared up and crashed into the wall, flattening it and, at the same time flattening the hutches in the next compartment which contained the raths, the toves, the borogoves and the pilliwicks.

Noah had to tell God of the loss of course and he was afraid that He might be seriously angry but God accepted the news (He probably knew it already) with equanimity, merely remarking that they hadn’t been his most successful creations. “Animals with five legs,” he remarked, “never really looked quite right.”

Time, though, did begin to drag. Mrs Noah and the girls, when they had time off from cooking, cleaning and mucking out the animals, occupied their time with collecting the wool from certain appropriate animals, spinning, carding and eventually knitting it into various garments which their menfolk had to wear. These were also expected at the same time to compliment their spouses on pullovers with unequal length arms, balaclava helmets with eye openings at about mouth level and scarves which made Dr Who’s look like the skimpiest one out. In fact one of these nearly caused an even worse disaster than that of the elephants when Ham tripped over the end of his scarf and plunged headfirst overboard.

A huge shark appeared and was approaching Ham’s flailing body. Perhaps it was God’s intervention or the fact that the shark’s appetite had already been glutted by the quantities of bodies (both human and animal) which were available and by now putting up no resistance at all, for, after a tentative sniff, the shark disappeared and was never seen again. Ham was dragged out dripping and swore he’d never wear one of those ‘expletive, expletive’ scarves again - which rather upset his wife whose knitting it had been.

The men played deck quoits and occasionally, at Bob’s suggestion, games of sardines or strip poker. Japheth wasn’t keen on either of these. Sometimes he was heard to complain that he didn’t think much to seeing his family’s unclothed bodies and certainly didn’t like snuggling up to them if he unfortunately found them by mistake in the game of sardines. Bob, though, seemed to be impressed by Ham’s physique and this often gave rise to a coolness between Japheth and Bob and indeed some quarrelling which others could hear emanating from the cabin which the two boys shared. As God’s instructions had been obeyed to the letter, and originally the cabin was intended for Japheth and his wife, there was but one room for them both - and indeed just the one bed.

Noah, whose cabin was next door, was slightly bemused at the sounds which also came from Japheth’s cabin, moans, cries and rhythmic bumps. It crossed his mind that these could possibly be sounds of a sexual nature but dismissed this interpretation. His own relations with Mrs Noah never resulted in such sounds and if from his bed there were occasional bumps, they were over almost immediately.

At last, though, it seemed that the waters were declining. Tops of mountains appeared. Noah and the rest were vastly relieved. There were now many more animals than there had been at the beginning. Rabbits, mice, shrews, hares had multiplied enormously. In fact every pair with only one exception had produced offspring of some number; there were even three elephants now. Ham and Shem were both fathers, with Shem’s wife producing twins. Only Mr and Mrs Noah hadn’t had another child. Mrs Noah herself might have had something to do with this; she was a great one for pills and potions. But Noah himself had never pushed it; he was after all some 600 years old according to the records and that sort of age takes out a lot of the enthusiasm for athletic sexual congress.

One morning God said, “Noah, it’s time you started to think about whether the land is dry enough for you to leave the ark.”

“Yes, Lord. How will I do that?”

God frowned. “Really, Noah you can’t rely on Me for everything. The earth is now yours. Find out whether it’s now suitable for you to go forth and multiply.”

Noah pondered. He could send out Ham on a reconnaissance expedition but since the mishap with the scarf, Ham wasn’t all that keen on testing the outside world. Perhaps he could try with some animals. Birds, that was it. He’d send out a bird.

He took the cage with the garlions in it and let them out. They rose screaming into the air and flew towards the sun.

When they didn’t return Mrs Noah said, “You pea-brained twillup. Fancy sending out all of them. You should have sent one so that it would have returned to its family. Now we’ll never know how they got on.” And who has seen a garlion since?

Noah, suitably chastened, waited a week and then, seeing the sense of his wife’s argument tried with a dove. On snowy wings the bird flew up into the sky, circuited the ark three times and then flew off. They waited.

And waited.

And waited.

At last as the sun was setting behind a bank of clouds and they’d given up hope there was a flapping of wings and a bedraggled bird flew out of the gloom and settled on the roof. In its beak was a plastic Tesco bag.

“Civilisation,” murmured Mrs Noah appreciatively.

* * * * * *

Eventually the ark grounded on the topmost heights of Mount Ararat. Noah opened the doors and was preparing for a big thanksgiving service but the animals didn’t wait but went bounding. hopping racing down the mountain into the waterlogged, but now rapidly drying countryside.

“What are they going to eat?” worried Mrs Shem.

“I’m not very good at these things, but I couldn’t just hide and not say something. My best friend got married today. I’m gonna miss you both. May you have many happy days to come.” His eyes filled with tears and whatever else he was going to say he either wouldn’t or couldn’t. “To the bride and groom.”

I watched as he downed his glass of champagne. I took a sip of my own, feeling in the pit of my stomach that something had truly changed in the last few moments. As to what, I had no clue though. Jenny and I left a few minutes later and began our honeymoon. When we got back, Jenny searched for a house close to the university so she could continue her studies and I went off for training camp.

The first season, we did okay. The team had a winning season and we got eliminated in the first round of the playoffs. I was gone for pretty much six to eight months out of the year. I should have noticed what was wrong earlier, but I was blind. Jenny dropped out after the winter quarter, because she wanted to spend more time with me. The second season, we made it to the Super Bowl but lost. Jenny started spending money like mad. During the third season, we won the Super Bowl and my contract was renewed for an obscene amount of money. Jenny was happy, although I can’t really say that I was.

Our relationship wasn’t that much more than when we first started going out. We had sex. That was the one thing we did well together. But we had so little to talk about. Before the start of the fourth season, we were like two strangers living in the same house, occasionally sleeping together. It was right after the second game of my fourth professional season that I found out about the affair. The entire time, I hadn’t heard one word from Byron. When I had downtime or during the off-season, I’d call him and we’d talk, but he never initiated it. My best friend was slipping away, and I now needed him more than ever.

In the final regular season game of my fourth season, after snapping the ball, the center got crunched and three guys came after me. The first I eluded. The second grabbed me and I landed, hard. My back popped and caused me to lose my breath. When the third guy landed on the two of us, I heard my back crack. After the refs called time, I realized I couldn’t move. All I remember for the next two hours was watching the view I had from flat on my back on a stretcher, first in the locker room, then in the hospital.

When all was said and done, the pop dislocated my back and the crack was my spinal cord being severed. There was a surgery to repair the broken vertebra, but nothing else could be done. It wasn’t until the swelling had gone down that they knew the extent of my paralysis. Through all of this, I was numb to it all. This couldn’t be happening to me. It was with a supreme sense of detachment that I recuperated.

After nine days, I could start feeling a little lower than my back. There was that sharp tingling feeling you get when your foot is asleep and it was mid-thigh. Hope blossomed inside me, that perhaps I wouldn’t be confined to the damn wheelchair I was in. Perhaps it was wrong and I could walk again, run again, and play again. Two weeks later, my hope was smashed. The tingling subsided at mid thigh. From that point and down in both legs, I was nerve dead. My feet and knees were useless.

Jenny sat by me, while the doctors told me the news. I kept the tears at bay the entire time the doctor was there, knowing that I only had to be strong until he left, because Jenny could handle it. After the doctor left, I turned to my wife and reached out my hand to her. She didn’t take it.

“I don’t think I can do this Luke.”

The lump in my throat only got bigger, making my voice hoarse and scratchy. “What?”

“This isn’t the right time, but I can’t do this any longer. I’m so sorry, but I want a divorce.”

To say that I lost my mind a bit at that moment would be an understatement. All I really know is that I screamed and yelled at Jenny for a good ten minutes and then threw things at her. Eventually, the hospital staff came and sedated me. Whether I was sedated or not, my life was a world of sleeping and fitful periods of wakefulness that seemed to be filled in shades of gray. After rehab was done, and my divorce final, I found myself alone, living in a condo in Seattle that was handicap accessible.

The divorce decree as well as my contract payout left me with about six million dollars to my name, but I was still alone. After three months of living in Seattle, on my own, I lost the will to leave my home. Dishes piled up in the sink. Laundry wasn’t a concern; I’d wear the same clothes over and over again. To say I was depressed would be an understatement. I stopped going to therapy, physical or mental. I just didn’t care anymore. My every waking thought was about how unfair my life was. ‘Why me’ was an almost constant refrain that would run through my head over and over again.

I wouldn’t answer my phone, not wanting to talk to anybody, but when the phone calls stopped coming, I got even more depressed. Deep down, I know I was doing this to myself. I was powerless to stop the spiral into darkness though. My mind was my worst enemy, but I wouldn’t let anyone try and distract me. It was in the middle of April, when the skies started clearing and the temperature rising, sitting on my balcony, and watching the boats in Eliot Bay float by where Byron found me.

In my heart, I was so happy to see him, but my mind wasn’t operating right. “What the hell are you doing here?”

He smiled his small, shy smile at me, which made me angry. “Your mom gave me a key.” He smiled at me; the spark of sadness in his eyes was strong and made me angry, hating his pity. “I’m keeping my promise.”

For a moment, I couldn’t figure out what he meant, and then I remembered his promise in the library. “Where were you last year when I found out my wife was cheating on me? Why weren’t you at the hospital? Where was your promise then?” His smile faded a bit, just around the eyes. “I didn’t know Jenny cheated on you. I’m sorry about that.” He walked around me, to lean on the balcony railing. “As to why I wasn’t at the hospital… I was keeping another promise I made.”

My anger was seething. Watching him, standing there, so perfect, so tall and powerful, made me so jealous I could hardly breathe. “What promise?”

He looked anywhere but in my eyes. “The promise I made to your wife.”

Now I was jealous, angry, and confused. “What promise did you make to Jenny?”

He looked in my eyes then, letting me see that it hurt to say what he was going to say. “She made me promise to never see you or talk to you again unless you called me.”

What little vestiges of the love I had once felt for Jenny died right then. Of all the people and things I had given up for her, my best friend shouldn’t have been one of them. The sacrifices I didn’t mind, but she had no right to ask that of others. “Why would you possibly agree to something like that?”

He cocked his mouth in a half-smile. “She was worried about the competition.”

Self-pity washed away everything else I was feeling. “She’s taken everything away from me now.”

Byron leaned over me, pinning me to my chair, and I didn’t like the feeling. “You have a lot, Luke. More than a lot of people have. You’re alive. You have money, a roof over your head, and people who love and care about you.”

Scorn filled my voice, I was horrified at how bitter I was, but it was there nonetheless. “Fat lot of good that does me.”

Byron grabbed a glass that I had been sipping scotch out of and threw it against the wall, startling me. “Everything has come so fucking easy for you in your life! When have you ever had to struggle? When did you ever have to try? The first obstacle that comes up and you turn tail and cower like this? How dare you!” He started pacing back and forth in front of me, more furious than I had ever seen him. “You’re still alive Luke! You could have died, or been much more paralyzed than you are. Are you grateful? No!”

My fear at his tirade turned into boiling, seething anger. “When you’ve lost everything that ever mattered to you, then you can lecture me!”

He turned on me, molten fury boiling in his eyes. “When I’ve lost everything that ever mattered to me?” With that he closed the space between us, grabbed my shoulders, and then kissed me for all he was worth. For the first time since the accident, what had remained flaccid and unresponsive stood up and begged for attention. My mind blanked and all I could feel was his lips against mine, his taste on my tongue, and the scent of him filling me, all of me.

Before I knew it, he had released me. “Don’t go near the glass.” He started to walk back into the apartment. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.” Then he was gone.

I sat in confusion for several minutes, wondering what had just happened. My mind and body sang because Byron was back in my life. I had missed him so much, and now that he had left, even if only temporarily, I realized just how deep a hole in my heart there was that he had been a part of. I loved the big guy. He was my best friend, confidant, and yes, for a brief time, lover. I wouldn’t say I was in love with him, but without him in my life, it had certainly been a hell of a lot emptier.

Within the hour, Byron was back. Wordlessly, he searched for a broom and dustpan, and then swept up the broken glass. He went to dump the shards and saw the mess that the kitchen was in. All he did was roll up his sleeves and start working. I felt suddenly embarrassed at my slovenly living habits and wheeled myself into my bedroom. With a passion that few could ever know, I detested the shower contraption that I was forced to use, but use it I did. Once cleaned, I donned fresh clothes and wheeled myself back into the living room to find Byron cooking something in a spic and span kitchen. I wasn’t even sure what kind of food I had in my house. I normally ordered anything that would deliver. I looked down at my body, noticing that the muscles in my legs had shrunk and that I had started gaining a spare tire around my middle. Shame filled me. Oh I was still pissed at the world, but I had a new dose of reality thrown into the mix to temper it.

Byron served lunch at the dining room table and sat down and ate quietly. When I had finished everything off my plate, he took it from me and got me some more. When he sat down, he looked in my eyes. “I did give up everything.”

My fork halfway to my mouth, I stared at him. “What?”

He chuckled, which was actually more like a snort. “You.”

The word hung there in silence for several minutes. Shock had me drop my fork to the plate in which I didn’t even hear the clatter. After several long minutes, Byron took a drink from his water glass then looked out the window, out to the bay. “I love you Luke. I have since we were freshmen in high school. It killed me when you told me about Jenny. It devastated me when you ran after her after she walked in on us making love.” He looked back at me, directly into my eyes and I could see the shiny moisture, barely clinging to his lids. “You’ve always been everything to me.”

I looked down at my plate, feeling my stomach roil. It hit me then. Everything. All the pain, the hurt, the betrayal, the failure, the fear, all of it hit me. I broke down in tears, gut wrenching, body-wracking sobs that went on and on. I was only vaguely aware when Byron wheeled me to the couch and picked me up in his strong arms and held me. The sun had lowered several degrees in the sky when I finally calmed down. Byron held me the whole time.

At that moment, I realized that I had been given a choice that night. I could have stayed with Byron, or I could have run after Jenny. I ran after her. Was it the right choice? I’ll never know. It didn’t change anything though. The one person in the entire world who had always, and I do mean always, been there for me I had hurt, crushed into dust.

I looked into Byron’s eyes and saw that he had been crying too. Whether tears of commiseration or of pain, I don’t know. “I’m sorry Luke. I didn’t tell you that to upset you.” He wiped a tear off my cheek. “I just wanted you to know, that in some small way, I do understand. Even if the situations are totally opposite, I do understand.”

After my crying jag, I was physically and emotionally exhausted. Byron helped me to bed and then left, with a promise to return the next day. Over the next several weeks, Byron helped me clean and organize my condo, helped me get back into physical therapy and even to see a therapist. I learned the Byron had indeed gotten his veterinary degree and was working as an intern at an animal hospital in Seattle. Every day after work, he’d stop by my place. He would stay for dinner, which we shared chores doing, then leave. The visits were friendly, almost playful, but each night as he left, I couldn’t help wishing it were more than that. Like that night all those years ago, when it came to Byron, I didn’t know what to do. After his confession about his feelings, I couldn’t ask for more. For once, I didn’t know what to do at all.

I spent several of my therapy sessions working out my anger with Jenny and my feelings of anger over the accident. With time, I began to accept that my life wasn’t over, just changed. But when we started talking about Byron, I had to learn all about myself, from the very beginning choices of my life, all over again. Byron wasn’t easy. He wasn’t something that I could easily conquer. After several sessions, I realized, that I gave up on Jenny. I didn’t put the time and energy into it, because it didn’t come easy for me. But with Byron, I had a new chance, a chance to start fresh. The realization hit me, that even though I knew all along how Byron felt, he wasn’t easy to deal with. Being with him wouldn’t be easy, so I dropped it, just like every other challenge. The big shocker came when in one of my last sessions, I came to realize how much I truly loved Byron, body and soul, and had, for quite some time.

That night, after therapy and dinner, Byron and I sat and talked by the fire. It was now November, and our friendship still ended after dinner. I wanted more. I needed more. Subtle hints seemed to fly right over his head. I had left several buttons open on my shirt. My jeans were extra tight. I licked my lips and touched him as often as I could. After an hour, I realized like that time in California, subtle doesn’t work for me.

“Byron? Why won’t you kiss me?”

Okay, so my timing sucked, because Byron had just sipped from his glass and ended up spraying it into the fire. “What?”

Shaking inside, but letting every ounce of bravado I had try to shine through, I slid over to him on the couch, touching his cheek with my hand. “I want to go to bed with you, By.”

His smile was wistful, sad even. “You haven’t called me By since the accident.”

I chuckled, more surprised than anything. “I hadn’t realized it.”

Byron grew serious though. “I don’t think it would be a good idea if we had sex Luke.”

He was afraid. I couldn’t blame him for it. I cupped his face with both my hands so I could look directly in his eyes, letting all my sincerity shine through. “I don’t want to fuck you. I want to make love to you, By.”

His voice was trembling, as was his entire body. “Why now?”

Fear kept me from speaking aloud what I wanted to say. “We never got to finish that night.” I cocked a grin at him, but I saw his features fall, the hope drain from his eyes.

“I don’t think so, Luke.”

I panicked. I wanted the pain to go away. “God damn it! This is so fucking hard.” I lowered my forehead to his, willing him to hear me out, willing him to believe me. “I’m fighting here, By. I don’t want a fuck. I don’t want to be lovers. I want everything.” I looked in his eyes, seeing hope return there. “I want it to be messy and complicated. I don’t want it to be easy. Because there is no such thing as easy when it comes to this.”

He grinned at me, his full-wattage, one hundred percent happy grin. “What is this, Luke?”

I swallowed so hard, it almost echoed off the walls. “Love, By.” I looked in his eyes and saw his tear up, but he blinked it back admirably. “I love you, By. It took me years to realize it and a nasty accident to fix my screw ups, but I’m here. Now. If you want me.”

He kissed me quick, a light peck of his lips that only made me hunger for more. “Was that so hard?”

I laughed at his teasing glance. “You bet your ass it was.” Then I sobered. “But I wouldn’t trade it for anything.”

With that, Byron let out a rebel yell then picked me up off the couch and carried me to the bed. He lay me down and slowly peeled off all my clothes, worshiping my body as he went, cherishing it, like he did that first time in California. But rather than be uncomfortable like last time, I reveled in it.

About where my body goes numb from the accident, is a ring of nerves that don’t quite work right. At times, they can be ultra-sensitive. Byron found that spot on my thighs as he was exploring my body with his tongue and strummed against that spot until I was moaning, keening, begging for release. With a look of utmost love and tenderness, Byron raised his big, larger than life body over mine, and slowly took possession of me, completing something that had been interrupted almost six years before.

As he pressed into me, I squirmed for a moment, but quickly adjusted, taking him in deep. Like last time, the moment his thick, veined head brushed my trigger, I climaxed, quaking with release, painting Byron’s torso with my pleasure. His arms bracketed my face as he leaned over me, his height allowing him to arch and pull my body, kiss me, and rub all that forested carpet of fur against me. As we both climbed higher, him to his first, me to my second release, we growled and moaned, gasped and cried out our pleasure. And when the pleasure became too much, had me teetering on the edge, Byron smiled at me again, that same, wonderful, reserved just for me smiles, and we both exploded, crying out our love and joy at once.

We took our time coming back to reality, panting and breathing heavy against the other. After a while, our bodies quickened again and this time, Byron was determined that I take control. It took some maneuvering, to find the right position, but it worked out fine. Having no sensation in my knees or feet, I couldn’t easily brace myself on them. I could wrench my ankle or slip off my knees and never know that I had been in trouble. After a few frustrated minutes of searching for something comfortable, I asked Byron to let me lie on my back and have him ride me. He refused. Eventually, we found the right spot, the right way, and we spent many minutes reveling in what we were sharing.

I won’t share the details; looking back, I realize it kind of looked like a comedy of errors. But that’s the beauty of being with someone who loves you as you love them. There are no mistakes. There is patience and joy, love and commitment, peace and wonderment. It’s all there. Is it easy? Hell no. But like I’ve learned, the best things in life never are.